Good Morning Precious and Dearly Child Of God Our Abba Father!
“To the saints in Ephesus (Murrieta, Temecula…) the faithful IN CHRIST JESUS.” Ephesians 1:1. The Bible refers to us being In Christ Jesus about a hundred times! Do you think God wanted us to get the idea or the revelation?! So many people feel outside of God’s grace and blessings and Love. Oh, they probably would not verbalize that exactly, but as you listen to them, you really get the strong sense that they fell outside of God’s grace, favor, healing, like they cannot connect with God. I know for years that this is the way I felt.
I felt that God had forsaken and just kind of forgot about me. I prayed, prayed, and really prayed and really cried out, but God seemed to be totally and absolutely distant and absent from me. The last thing I felt was that He really Loved me. I felt outside, of His Love and grace, and felt no favor on my life whatsoever! My thought was, “Where are you, Why is it so hard to connect with you… You do miracles to others, why not to me…? I felt totally abandoned and forsaken by God. The last thing I felt was that He was inside of me and I was inside of Him!
Of course, I was just feeding on the lies of the enemy! The verse that described me and the one that I felt very powerfully inside of me was from Psalms 88:18, which says, “darkness is my closest friend.” I would read tons of books on Grace and God’s Love, but I still felt an empty hole inside of me. My heart felt like “dry bones” inside of me! I would pray, I would go off for weekends, and sometimes longer, just to pray to God so I could feel His Love and try to get Him to move on my behalf! I would read about people having all these supernatural experiences with God and I desperately wanted that myself, but no matter how much I cried out, nothing “seemed” to be happening!
Things started to change for me when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, like the disciple in Acts chapter 2, about eight years ago. Just prior to that, something inside my heart started changing. I used to be very passionate about my grounds keeping work at the stadiums and athletic fields. I got my “attaboys” and pats on the back from turning out very professional looking fields. The fields were my source of identity. But then something started to rise up inside of me a change of heart started to happen.
I felt this movement in my heart and that wanted on my epitaph, rather then, “Hey, Jerry thanks for the beautiful fields”, I started to get this new sense of purpose, so that my epitaph would say, “Here lies a man, who was consumed and utterly possessed by the Father’s heart of Love, and he took multitudes with him.” After this, the Father’s Love and the Holy Spirit started to SLOWLY become more and more real to me.
I can remember going to a conference in Toronto for a week, where the Holy Spirit was really moving and it seemed like everybody was having these deep and very powerful Holy Spirit experiences, except for me. I wasn’t feeling anything! It seemed like the same ole same ole! But gradually I started to experience Holy Spirit a little bit at a time. I started to sense and believe that the Father really did Love me!
Still though, to this day, I often do not feel the presence or the Love of the Father, I just simply believe by faith that He is pouring His Love into my heart by the Holy Spirit! I do now experience His Love a lot more, especially when praying for others. Sometimes, I can really feel the Father’s Love for people as I pray for them! It is Awesome! One time, at a Sozo training class, the teacher was leading us in a meditation, and I felt the Love of the Father completely consume and overwhelm me for about five minutes. This was awesome and encourage me to believe that we can experience the power of the Father’s Love here on earth, in continual basis!
So now for me now, I am constantly reminded by the Spirit to see myself and others inside of Jesus, seated inside of Him in the heavenly realm, glorified, perfected, one with Him, and as He is in the Spirit! It has been a long, dry, and often very difficult road to finally get to the place where I am experiencing the Father’s Love, but I am soooo happy it is happening!
So keep pressing into the Spirit until you too start to experience with power that the Father really does Love you and that you are inside of Jesus and He is inside of you! Whatever difficulty you may encounter will be worth it as you start to experience the power of His Love!!!!!!!!!! And if you are already experiencing His Love by the Holy Spirit, there is infinitely more for you to experience!!!!!!
Jerry Brown 3-22-2013